Night before new years

I'm currently seated in a room with seven dudes, enjoying themselves like boys do nowadays.

Highlights:

"Omg, I'm sorry! It squirted everywhere before I could I stop it!"

"You hold yours differently than me."

"Twist it, twist it!"

"Suck! Suck like you never sucked before!"

"Yours is bigger than mine."

"I want a girl that sends me pictures too"
"She's not my girl! Stop calling her my girl!"
"Who, that chich you slept with yesterday?"
"Yeah"
"Oh for fucks sake, did you fuck her? I thought you said that she was ugly?"
"Well beer made me change my mind."



Just one week in this company left.....

Post-holidays!

Oh, it's been a good christmas. Or should I say first-year-with-only-mom-celebration-holiday. Bf was with us though, which totally made it better. Food, watching some classic TV, spending time together, making the dog wear a big red bow, visit a few places and say hello to loved ones. Good times. Apart from the decent behaviour this holiday, I would just like to note the few things that have happened over the last days worth remembering..

I've had cramps for nine days now. Yeah, seven of them without any girly stuff. Awesome. Few things are more useless than cramps without results. Gotta pee on a stick again to relieve myself and bf from any worries (Later note: I did and there is no little people in the making, phew).

I got ass drunk christmas day as usual, with my girls and bf and had a blast. That drunkenness contained me bonding with some seriously hott indie girl on a toilet. We pee'd together. Just that is a sign of how drunk I was. Hott girls friggin scare me.

I got photographed while actually sitting on the (another) toilet, pants around my ankles. Awesome. Lucky thing I had FOUR girls on my lap at the time. You can almost not see that I'm there. And you can fortunately not see either my vajayjay or my undies either.

A repetition from last year's christmas day party was unveiled for us all when Psych got all down and busy with the SAME guy she did last year. AND, it contained just a teensy bit of competition about his attention between Psych and Foureyes, just like last year!. Psych won because she's.. I'll just say it, the sluttiest of us all. JUST because of that, not anything else. (She'll love this) And I met First Love, just like last year!

Oh, and I lost 30 dollars at the club only to find them later during the night when I got undressed, IN MY BRA. I'm so classy.

The guy that Psych and Foureyes "competed" for, is a friend of mine. He called me around 2 am, we talked for two minutes before I just blatantly hung up in his ear. One hour later he texted, asking what we talked about. I still have NO idea. I just know I thought it was an awesome idea to NOT talk to him and didn't mind saying goodbye. Charming one.

While hungover (I paid with the crinkled up bra-money btw), I choked on my deliciously fatty pizza because I was too busy glaring at some girl's boobs so I forgot that I was eating. I think I deserve at least one guy-point for that one.

I have actually paid money to watch blue people run around in trees. I mean, there was a big flying orange turkey in the movie. How could it not be good? ...

That's about what I can remember right now.

I hope you had a merry christmas/nice holiday!

Oh god no, noo!

So I have been awesome again.
You know it! As I have been waiting for, Bf came here today to spend christmas with the lovely myself and my mom. Weird to be without all my siblings this year, but that's a totally different story.
Back to today. We rushed around, shopped stuff, brought home chinese food for the simplicity and set forth to watch TV and eat. So we did. And then, when the food had slowly been processed enough to allow us to breathe again, I thought it was time for some grown up activities. With the cramps and all, you gotta take your chance before it would turn into someth.. yeah you know.

Anyways, so we started going at it right there in the couch (don't be pussies my friends, you WILL sit in my sofa anyways) and was at it for a while. I dont want to get myself too private, but let's just say that when I enjoy myself, you can audibly tell I enjoy myself. Not over the top, but just audibly. Then we moved onto the bed, things kept on going. At some point in these shenanigans I thought to myself "Wow, that door slamming really sounded loud. Meh!" and then kept having thoughtless sex because that's the way to do it.

After we were finished, I heard a rustling. Got up, peeked out on my front door and realised that IT HAD BEEN OPEN THE ENTIRE TIME. Not fully open, but with a crack of three inches, which is certainly enough to disturb anyone who would pass my door/be at our floor.

So, that door slamming earlier? That probably belonged to my next door neighbour, that we don't see a lot and never talk to. OH PLEASE SWEET CHRISTMAS SPIRITS, if it was him, please let it JUST be him. Please?

Oh god why. I'm sure he slammed his door really hard so we would catch up on it, without any luck. Agh. Only time will tell if it wasn't him, because I'm pretty sure all the other residents here would tell me. And laugh. Really hard. And then tell everyone else about it. Probably post some illstrations made in MS Paint. And then post it on some blog somewhere. Or on posters around school. Yeah, I'll be looking forward to that. Or the even more awkward meeting with the silent guy. I have my way with the weird ones...

I really should have my sex-card revoked.

Manic monday, for real this time?

Dear PMS, you know I love you right? (lies) What, no I don't lie, ever. I love how you can just show up when you feel like it, make absolutely no sense in when you do, and make me act very weird (mostly crying) for no reason at all. It's almost magical.

Like today. I was late to school due to cramps (love'm too) and joined the others in class. Class went fine yada yada. Then one of the teachers during a little break, decided to confront me with this. He said I was inconsiderate and disrespectful in coming late and did. not. shut. up. about it. There's only so much nodding you can do before it starts to look stupid. And he continued, and of course brought up the whole "I don't know what's going on in your life, why you're missing sometimes.."
Cue me starting to cry. And I don't mean like tearing up, I mean full blown bawling crying. In front of my whole class, minus one or two. At least they have known me for long enough to know that I'm not all sorts of crazy.. much.
Camera back to the teacher, seemingly totally oblivious to the fact that salty water is getting on his shirt from the fountains in my face, and he just keeps telling me the same thing a couple of more times. Like a gift that keeps on giving - herpes. Awesome, thank you. Because I'm retarded and didn't get it the first time.

It's always a really good idea to confront people with PMS about issues. Not that he knew that because it feels sort of awkward to tell a man that you uterus is killing you, but anyways.
So then I cried in the classroom, on the way to my dads car, in dads car, at dads house, on my way home, when I left stuff in the kitchen, in my room, on the phone with bf, randomly inbetween these events and when about five hours of this had been going on, I threw myself in bed, pulled the covers over my head and POUTED. You know the kind of pouting that occurs in movies, with girls who have a cat that steps around in bed while they're eating ice cream and watches romantic movies. Just like that except without the cat, the ice cream and the movie. Luckily all that crying had made me tired, so I lasted about 20 minutes before falling asleep.

Woke up again at midnight, and will now probably be up allll night long, but it was so worth it. Haven't cried since. I feel it lurking behind my eyelids though.

Thank you PMS, for this wonderful day.

Godly thursday.

Yesterday, I saw God in a sheet of plastic. Or Nemo. Or Noah. Or some creepy magician. Some old man anyways.

A little unsettling, huh?

Embarassing texts

Haha, speaking of Kate's comment on the post below;

I sent a text to a friend once, that went like this:
"I've told Joey that I like him now. He knows that I do, but not all the details and totally not how much."

Never got an answer. Mostly because I SENT IT TO JOEY.

I found this out a YEAR later when I took the liberty of going through his texts (we had an open tradition about our inboxes in our young single days). Nice. He saved it because he thought it was sweet. I believe I blushed but fortunately we were outside and it was friggin cold (we're talking -20C/-4F) so I don't think he saw it. And I think he was too stupid to understand why it was so embarassing, because he didn't seem bothered nor curious. AND he hadn't said anything about it for a year.

Gawd damnit. Yeah christmas breaks rule, I always make a fool of myself. It's something about late december early january that just.. call to me and make me do stupid stuff. I love it!

Lavv it

I was online-talking to bf about girly stuff, and we happened to talk about the genital organs. At the same time I was talking to a friend, let's call her Psych, about random things totally not about the female sex organs.

I wrote to bf: "Yeah, it's well known that direct contact with the clitoris can be too much, it's most often too sensitive."

But I didn't write that to bf, I sent it to Psych.

Me:"Yeah, it's well known that direct contact with the clitoris can be too much, it's most often too sensitive."
Me, after a few seconds of looking at bf's IM window, looking for the line I just wrote him?: "Omfg! Wrong window! Best line ever to write to the wrong person."
Her: "Haha yeah totally. So, I was saying..."

and then we didn't mention it again. I love having friends that just know me.

Snappy

I tried capturing my christmas lights. But they're a bitch to snap in the dark. Oh well! Merry christmas and happy holidays!

Jersey Shores

Woke up. First thing I register in the blistering headache. Those come more often nowadays. Remember what the optician said about my eye sight on my right eye. I should get my eye sight checked. Disregard what the optician said abouy my right eye. Remember it's monday. Disregard that it's monday because if I accept that it's monday morning, I WILL FRIGGIN FREAK OUT because I have so much to do. Shut my eyes again. Tell myself that I'm about done with parts of the work. It will be okay.

Get up, read my blogs. Click on among the blogs and find a blog that has posted a introduction video of Jersey Shores. The infamous Jersey Shores. I stared at the play button. Should I? Should I really? Oh fuck here I go. (btw, you all should watch it, who doesn't want to watch a guido in a Diva-tanktop and a dude who refers to himself and his abs as "The Situation"?)

Then it all went downhill. Having sat through the whole of episode three later, I had to call bf and confess. Ya know, in case this would come up sometime before we get really serious with eachother. You shouldn't go into serious buisness with dark secrets in the wardrobe.

Just got a text from bf. "Come do me!"
I guess he's okay with it. I think that's because he hasn't seen the show. I mean, he rolled his eyes at me watching The Hills. And The Hills (even though you thought it was impossible) is WAY classier than this. Way.

And now I can't wait for episode four. Damnit!

Sexless saturday

This is a bedpost. Hahaha, I'm so funny. No seriously, I'm in bed and I'm posting. A bedpost.


I have a fucking hard time this evening (I WISH) trying to NOT think about sex. Apparently, that's not what my body had in mind. I've been telling it all along that bf's really really really far away and I cannot do anything about it because it would cost me like an entire grade in school, a really pissed off teacher and a million dollars to even try and get to bf and ravage him like he's never been ravaged before. So I'll just have to save up all this energy for when he actually gets here. In a million years. A time that happens to exactly match my period. Yeah.. awesome. Don't we just LOVE this long distance thing..

Oh, on to a TOTALLY different subject. Bf and I was having a phone conversation this evening. He totally steered into the subject of pussies and dicks (it's almost totally different!). But not in the hott way that I may have wanted it, but the analytic, questioning way. He wondered what I would think about having my vajayjay classified in the same way as dudes does. Ya know, size and everything. I thought to myself "Would I be able to exclaim, anonymously on the intarweb on some dickface forum somewhere, that "I have friggin got a vajayjay three inches deep in an unexcited state, beat that be-atches!" and then think I had won an internet discussion?". My conclusion was no. With the addition that we already have breasts that everyone stare at and compare and judge. That's quite enough.

Altough I must say I have gotten a few compliments about my va.. nevermind that one.

Oh, and after the conversation Bf totally led me on to asking him a question that I probably shouldn't have. I asked him to arrange me in a sexual prize ladder in a certain category and see where I got to put my foot in.
The answer: Top 3.

I mean, he knows I don't bullshit him when he asks something, and he knows that I don't want him to bullshit me when I ask something, but the truthful top 3? Top 3 probably means third. Or else he would have used "shared first place" or "if you just do that little thing you're totally number one" or something equally revealing. Altough, he had just taken his cough medicin (poor thing caught something here and didn't even infect me with it, I think. How's that even possible? Oh well.) and was tired during the conversation. After the proclamation of my runner upper spot, he stopped sending me texts. If that is due to him passing out from the medicine or just hiding under his covers and not answering my passive aggressive texts (no okay, I didn't send any of those because it's alright, I rock his socks in all (and I mean ALL!) the other categories anyways..) about the whole sensitive subject thingie.

Btw, all this totally does not make me think less about sex. Just more around how I should sex him up and take the gold medal from the sluts I mean girls that were before me. Platinum works out well too. Just sayin'. If you're reading this bf. But you're not. Because you almost doesn't know this blog exists. Mhm!

Top 3.. hrmpt.

Pee

Someone's peeing outside my house. It's like he/she is peeing right outside my window, I hear it so clearly. I live on the second floor. Nice.

Saturday shorty

I don't feel fantabolous today but at one point there I thought about breaking out the boobs and going to town, on the town. Then I saw the sorry state that Peacemaker and his friend (let's call him Whizzer from last night when I heard him through my window, peeing on something outside) are in today. Yesterday was obviously rough on everyone (except that everyone else was ass drunk) and I'm kinda bummed about feeling the way I did then.

I think this night will be ew I just noticed how dirty one of my lamps is. I should clean it.

Oh, and because I'm not single I take full right in living out things through my single friends, and one of those single friends are going on a DATE thursday night. Can't wait! You, at least almost, know who you are!

Ugh

If I were single today, I would go out with the others and just get myself ass drunk and make out with someone. They're currently knocking on my door every 30 minutes, asking if I'm gonna join them.
"You should join! It's gonna be fun!"
As I've done all night, I said that I'm not sure about myself today. It's been a rough day. No man under 30 should ever have to bury his mother, but that was what happened today. I knew her through him and she's been absolutely brilliant. And today we got the final goodbye. So weird.

One part of me just sits here and wants to do nothing, still taken by it all. Another part says that I should friggin DO something, that I'm gonna go mad if I sit here. And the more I think about it, I feel like partying. Until I hear drunken footsteps in the hall outside. Blah drunk people. Then a while later, I think it's a good idea again, and then I hear the drunken shouts of the people smoking outside. Blah, shouting. But a beer would be kind of good, there are nice people at the bar. But there's also the drunken people, the girls that sneer at me because I don't look like they do, the people that bump into me, the unpleasant people in the women's room line..

I don't want to meet those people.

And I can be absolutely sure that I at some point will break down just a little there, not much but enough for someone to notice it. And then the questions. And then the "Oh come on now, a beer will cheer you up!".

But it wont. And I hate the feeling of people getting a little uncomfortable, and then having them to overrepresent their happiness to make me happier. And I smile to make them happy so they go away and I don't have to face their drunk, pityful eyes.

Naw, I don't think I'll be going out tonight. I just long for bf really hard. He's so far away, playing videogames with his neighbour. In two weeks he'll be here again, but that's no comfort right now.

Gawd, this blog is turning into something really boring. I will try and better it.

Later.

Funky Friday?

I've got a totally pointless sense of humour sometimes.

I have for some weeks now thought that I should start a chapter on this blog that's called "Cock-Tales"* and tell you about weird things that happened. Then I realised that that chapter would be pretty small because my old .. cocktales consist of either boyfriends that have been totally okay (and therefore nothing to speak of really) or a few experiences I would like to share with the world. But I have already shared that with the world, and in a few instances, on video**, so that would totally blow my cover as a really famous celebrity who'se only reason for not blogging is that I spend my time making out with Ryan Reynolds on some movie set somewhere. Yeah, you just keep that image in your head.

Oh, and the other day we were all told at What? Inc. to think outside the box. I tried, for like a minute. Then the expression popped up in my head. "Think outside.. my box?" which firstly made me laugh a little out loud but not loudly enough for anytime to ask what was funny, and secondly it is really hard to really think outside my box while being sex deprived and then the expression was ruined. Now everytime I hear it, I think about sex, when in my head it's an expression telling me NOT to think about sex. You see my problem here?
I really hope I forget this in time that I get a new job, because grinning secretly everytime anyone says "box" isn't really a good option. I'm creepy enough as it is.







* I am well aware that this in an age old joke.
** A video of myself TELLING about it, not actually video taping the deed. That would have been awkward.

Bzzz

I just ate a chocolate pudding bought in the store, and it was friggin GOOD today. Damn!
The appreciation of chocolate is multiplied a fajillion times after a day full of headache, being tired and a beautiful nap, curled up in the middle of the bed.

I've just been too tired the last three days to whine about it on the internet. When I'm too tired to whine about it on the internet, I'm REALLY tired.

Naw I got a text from bf. He called me the love of his life. And that feels very good too. I do believe it's the first time he uses that expression. If you like it somethingsomething put a ring on it! Or not yet but anyways. And why do girls fantasize and plan their wedding from a very young age? I never did, and I still haven't. So far, I've reached the conclusion that I will not marry in a church (Can't swear anything to god when I don't believe in god right?) and that I sometime WILL marry. That's.. about it.

Oh, and with a later addition: Bf may be the one.

Oh and now I just zoned out and surfed around a little, and the headache came back so I have a hard time reading black on white, so I'll just leave you with this.

Toodila!

One nightly nail

Recently I've googled around different sites and found that there's a whole community of make-up, fashion and nail polish blogs. The fashion blogs are not my thing because no matter if I always shop at the most trendy stores (which I don't), I never seem to look as chic as the rest of the world. That could depend on my slouching posture or the fact that I don't stop wearing my old sneakers until they fall apart. They're totally falling apart right now.

Anyways, I've found interest in these playful blogs and one good example is The Daily Nail, which is awesome. I hope she doesn't mind me linking this. Anyways. Because I got inspired I thought I'd share todays nails.

Dark grey with a little skull and crossbones on the thumb nail. Aren't they JUST as awesome as the Daily Nail nails? Don't answer that. I know you think so. And by "know" I mean putting my hands over my ears and start singing something really loud before you get the chance to give me a negative answer. And it was really hard taking a picture of my thumb because of the angle and everything. So just appreciate the hard work I did for you, and feel the inspiration surge through your limbs!

That's right.

Hm

I thought about having a themed day as many other bloggers have. Like TMI thursday and confessional sunday. I thought really hard (for like, two minutes at least!!) and only came up with tetanus tuesday. Didn't seem so alluring really. Back to the drawing board, so to speak.

RSS!

I would like to announce that I hereby have a new friend, RSS Bandit. Hopefully it'll be better this time and now I have the hard work of getting in tune with everyone again.

Da-em-nit

Omgosh I feel so unclean and naked without my RSS-reader. Damnit! And I don't have the time to stalk all your blogs until monday either. Damnit!

WHY!!

AND my favourite ring broke today too. My pretty silver ring that had been with me through thick and thin. Fuck!








Okay update half an hour later. Because I'm not as stupid as I may look, whether it be my blonde hair or goofy facial expressions, I realised that I had FeedDemon on my laptop too. Unfortunately it was running, and so was FeedDemon so it had updated with the all kinds of crazies, but at least I could reach a statistics list of all my feeds that wasn't accessible on my stationary computer.

Could copy all the adresses into notepad and save it. PHEW!
I reached 116 blogs, some inactive. I would NEVER have remembered 116 blogs.

Sigh of relief. I mean, I knew I cared about the blogs I read, but I really got the panicky feeling when FeedDemon told me "these blogs have been deleted out of your subscriptions" and then how it lagged for 10 seconds and then, POOF, they were all gone.

Yeah kinda will be doubling up on the saves and backups and logs of adresses and shit from now on. Yeah.

WHY!

Oh my god, I'm about to cry. FeedDemon just decided to kill itself, and taking all my 90 or so blogs that I followed with it. Without return. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? It's because I'm excited about my birthday isn't it?!?!!?!?!

FUCK YOU FEEDDEMON!

Argh!

Sometimes, just because it's so much easier to just say screw it and post actual pictures of everything around me and myself, I want to stop being anonymous on here. Then I remember why I have pretty much stopped posting on my old (but still used sometimes) blog. The stalkers I had from before that found it, commenting on every post and picture, and not in the good way. In the condescending way.

The fear that a teacher or boss someday would find it and recognize me, and then go through posts where I talk about how much things sucks somedays. I've heard about people getting fired for doing similar things.

People that recognize me that I don't like, and start to follow my life. I dunno. Being anonymous is boring but vital for my free speech and sense of safety. But the censoring and cutting out parts that lots of people know about etc etc is hard to avoid. I mean, if everyone knew me and could access this blog and know it was me, I couldn't write that I got laid three hours ago (just like I said I would! Booyah!) and other things that I want to just write about without having to think about my mom reading it.

But I feel like I'm stuck in a grey zone. I'm too cautious and censor too much IN CASE someone would recognise me, which kinda drains out the positive side of being anonymous. Damnit! This is complicated.

I've even thought about ending the blog because I can't decide what to do.

Damnit.

Fuck yeah!

SO, yet again relaxing in my office (which is more like a corner, but whatever) after carrying like.. a thousand pounds worth of laundry from the laundry room, I can just classify this day as an.. unglorious day. All that laundry, and that dryer breaking down leaving me dragging all the wet laundry that had taken four hours to wash (a BUTTLOAD of laundry) to another laundry room to dry it all there, all the lights went out on my way home so I couldn't see where the ice-puddles were which made it a really slow and funny way home. I probably looked like I shat myself, carrying a pile of dry clothes that reached up to my nose. Phew. The chinese people that passed me probably thinks I'm deranged.

I probably should do my laundry more often because after those hours washing, I'm still left with a whole laundry basket full. It's like my laundry basket is connected to a remote universe, I never ever understand how ALL that laundry ever fit in that little white container. Weird.

BUT! Today is a special day!

Around 11 pm, bf is coming! And, around 10 pm, we're having dinner. (I'm so funny.)
Anyways, it's a cleaning-grooming-scrubbing-omgwhatisthatonmychin-timetoannoytheneighbourswithreallyloudmusic-awesomeness-day! Because, since I'm free from school/all other responsibilities since yesterday, it's officially my BIRTHDAY WEEKEND! And it's awesome!


And, just because it's officially my birthday weekend, this morning (11.45 am) when I woke up to bf calling me from work I rubbed my eye a little and was met by a burning horrible stinging sensation on my eyelid. Wtf?
I shimmied on in to the bathroom and looked, my eyelid was burning red, double it's normal thickness and I couldn't open my eye properly. Awesome.. And it stung like hell. The right eyelid had a spot of the same thing, and wtf IS THIS!

I cleaned it gently with water and then put on miracle lotion (menthol moisturizer) and now it feels okay. Still looks a little funny and it's swollen, but you can't see it as much anymore. I REALLY hope it doesn't come back, have a make up-less raging drunken monkey birthday party? I'd rather not! If I'm without makeup, I can't wake up the next day, drag myself into the bathroom and get shocked into wakedness by my own looks. I need that kick when hungover!

Ya know, when regular people prep for exciting times, they get pimples. When I prep for exciting times, I get eye infections, the stomach flu, UTI's, womanly troubles we should not mention by name, raging fever or the regular flu (and yes, I have real examples of all those, counting from 14 months ago).
I would so prefer just a pimple. I swear.

But! On with the day and the cleaning and the squinting (it kinda hurts when I blink too much) and the getting down on my knees and doing what I'm best at (or so I heard) and getting all my shit pimped up!

Noo!

Oh, and the neighbour downstairs has gotten an ELECTRIC GUITAR. I'm sure it's gonne be an awesome plethora of celebrities hanging out, recording the-real-world-soaps with hott celebrities and great concerts by awesome celebrities right in our backyard!

.. Or just a plain nightmare.

I guess we will see..

Wednesday over and out

I'm a bed blogger. I come up with my best posts while in bed, watching some stupid show on TV and feeling just a little sleepy. I would surely have preferred being all creative and wiseass'y while still up and about (and more preferably than that - on office hours), but I think it has to do with me being a night owl. All other great ideas that I bring to the table in school, my personal life and whatever's in between, most of it has come from me being a little sleepy and then just getting an awesome idea.

I don't want to even try to imagine the number of awesome and good ideas (because all my good ideas are awesome) that has been lost because I just fell asleep instead of throwing myself at a notebook and writing it down. I usually think to myself "I'll remember it, it's so awesome!", fall asleep and then remember NOTHING. Only my quote and the smug feeling lingers, the idea is blown away with my dreams and hopes of adding something valuable to the world. Apart from this blog. And shocking old ladies in the lines at the grocery store because I totally lack any social abilities that leads to knowing when to shut up and what not to say. Oh well.

Oh, and on another note. You know my problem with my alarm clock? No? Well, now you do. This evening, I set my alarm on noon. Friggin NOON. You know what it tells me? "7 hours and 14 minutes." I'm going to get up at noon, and I still didn't make the eight hour mark? Come on. And we all know it's not MY fault, it's the clock. Boohoo.

PS. I spelled like an ass today. DS.

2009

I'm sitting here, thinking about the year that has almost passed. A year ago, I was single and convinced that I would be single for the rest of my time in this town (you find someone when you -really- believe that, it always works that way right), with big expectations on my birthday weekend and feelings for a boy that I knew would never be close to me.

As a new years resolution a few weeks later I said that I would be more loose and slutty. Yes, those were my words. Birdy added that I should be slutty in disguise, because I'm like that. I said I would be single and enjoy my last time as a student and really grab the student life by the balls. Literally.
And you might say I did. I partied, had fun, lived my life and dove into schoolwork in a way that I hadn't done before. Late nights in school went hand in hand with beer and friends.

Then one late night in february, we gathered a big happy crowd and went to town, literally. Drunk and brave in a dark nightclub, I found myself facing a guy that I've seen so many times before. The guy that I thought "I think we would go well together" whenever I saw him. I never told anyone because, well, well knowing that you should never dismiss your gut feelings it's still far more often that you try because it feels silly. I felt silly when I looked at a perfectly unknown guy and thought to myself that we would fit together. What's up with that really?

But that time, unlike three months earlier, I didn't flinch. I just rationalised that I would buy beer first, and talk after. So I did. He looked uncomfortable, that he still today explains that with "Well, I got nervous, there was a really pretty girl talking to me just like that".

Nine hours later (after the roomie, food and prostitute incident) he left my place, telling me that I was welcome to come over if I felt like it, I knew where he lived. Two days later he threatened to tip me over in the snow on the first walk we took together. Three days after that, I got approval from his roommate (the roomie date is not to brush off lightly!). One week after that, I found myself really falling for this guy.

It was weird. Now looking back on how we acted around eachother just after a few short days, what by then could be confused with my regular lack of shyness and social normacy, can now be seen as me just feeling really comfortable around him. He was just.. he got me. And instantly.

One early morning, three months later, I was facing him once again. He looked surprised and worried why I called him over and I could just sit on my toilet and hand him the pregnancy test.
He stared at it and got "Wha.. I.. is this correct?"
"Yes."
"... Are you sure?"
"The slight tummy aches? My period being EIGHT days late? (my period had been messy the months prior so I didn't know what it was up to) My breasts hurting? Me feeling weird and kinda sad? The positive test? I.."
The he started giggling.
I got him. Because of earlier circumstances, this should be impossible. But there I was, positive. And a boyfriend that was giggling while looking at the test.

The month that followed is pretty much the suckyest month of my life. I'm not gonna pretend that I ever contemplated keeping the child and I'm not gonna make excuses for it, but that doesn't change me being sad over it And I learned things in the process. Bf proved to be one of the most loving persons that I've ever met.
The help when I felt too sick to eat, him helping me with phone calls to nurses when I cried too much to talk, his warm embrace when he saw my eyes tearing up, his respect for the decisions I made and his positive words the times we walked to the hospital.

A few months on the pill from hell followed, I felt drained and my feelings for bf wasn't as strong as before. I feared that the abortion had damaged our relationship, but stuck it out. Because my temper peaked sometimes, I felt blissful and then in the gutter again, I realised it was the pills. Fucking pills. By the end of summer I stopped taking them and replaced them with the IUD that has its own side effects, but my inner workings are slowly getting normal again.

And here I am today, longing for bf's arrival tomorrow night. I still cry a lot and my temper is swaying, but bf's been the best in handling it and doesn't take it personally, and it gets better month by month. And I'm happy. Kinda bored because I wanna move on in my life and move out of town and all that, but happy.

With just a month left, I can conclude that this year really didn't turn out the way I thought it would.

Christmas feelings

Yeah this could be a long winded post about christmas and how awesome it is, but I'm just going to post this tree here instead. I made it! Isn't it pretty? Don't you just feel how christmas seep into your homes and how it's the most awesome intarweb-tree ever? Don't google it do try and prove me right, just believe me.

Gotta love that photoshop

Finally I have a picture of myself! Gotta love that photoshop that does so much for me in my daily workings and secret keepings.

An unofficial anniversary

I walked home today from town. It's not far, and it was quite pleasant. The temperature was just below freezing and people have their christmas lights and stuff up in their yards. It was cosy. In my bag I had lovely supple chocolate that I bought to a prize that shouldn't be mentioned, but let's just say that this isn't chocolate that is enjoyed any other way than slowly and with, to the big gasp of blasphemy from the real chocolate-knowers; Red bull. Mmmm chocolate and Red Bull.

But anyways. I came to think about that next weekend, a year has gone by since I first planned on approaching Bf and talking to him. Let me just remind you that I, sometimes (more when I'm single for apparent reasons) seem to be put in situations that could be translated into a 25 minute episode of a TV-show.

We turn back time a year, minus a week. I was partying around at the local pub where "everyone" parties and after a short mingle out in the smokers corner, I went back inside. There I saw Bf sitting on a couch, in the company of Roomie that was totally surrounded by girls.
"Damn, he's got a lot of girls hovering around him.." I looked back at Bf and almost got eye contact, or I think I just did, but stalled a little and talked to a friend of mine instead. The friend passed and I stopped a little, to gather my courage. It's not easy to just walk up to someone.

The second I stood still, another dude showed up. A dude that I had been partying with a little during the fall, like once a month or something, and he hugged me. We small talked. I glared over at Bf where he was sitting. Dude continued to talk. I tried getting a chance to leave. Then he asked me out. Fuck. I declined the date, said I was interested in someone else. This someone else at this time was MrBusy.
Somehow, I would gather "I'm interested in someone else" as a "Oh, okay.", stop asking and then plan my future revenge in the form of asking again, or something. But apparenrtly this does not apply to dudes (include Forrester).

He didn't seem to want to give in to this reason, and like nudged me a little and I had to decline once again. Then he talked about how things would get awkward and weird. I assured him that they wouldn't. Because they wouldn't. I don't get all awkward over stuff like that. When I FINALLY got rid of him, Bf was gone. Left was Roomie, all the girls and another dude that wasn't Bf.

Fuck! Did I miss him? Has he left? Bathroom?

I hung around a little, talking to people and mingled around, but didn't see anymore of Bf that night. When I went home, I passed his window and saw him in their kitchen. I was AN INCH away from going up there and knocking on the door, but then I figured that that would be kind of.. weird at 2 am?

So I went home instead. Now knowing how Bf is, I should have gone there. But then he would have to buy me a christmas present, and I wouldn't have spent the christmas holiday by being way too drunk, making a fool of myself among Forrester's friends, gotten him as a stalker, slept with that dude I should never have slept with (that never happened okay?!), gotten to deal with MrBusy as needed and I should have had the chance make Bf's and my first night the success that all his and sometimes my friends are talking about still.

I would love to tell you the story but it's such a pedestal of personal and revealing information, that I can't. All I can say is that it involves us, Roomie, food and a prostitute.

Google

I don't know what I should think about the fact that two of the google hits here has been "wynn dominatrix" (hey I never told you that, who ratted me out?!?!) and "best sexacation". Who am I kidding, I'm of course VERY pleased by this. I never get any raunchy search hits ever. I've been way too kind so far.

Now YOU are a part of my past, sucker

I don't know if I already told you this, but once upon a time I had a boyfriend that thought I was too stuck in the past and that I should look more ahead of me. After we had been sitting there, telling eachother stories. Wtf. Well how interesting are the stories gonna be if they NEVER HAPPENED? Am I just gonna make shit up to give the appearance of my FUTURE to be really interesting?

The interesting thing about my future is that I have no idea what it will contain. Will anything that I wanted to achieve ever happen, or will stuff be even better than I ever imagined? Will I be a rich bitch, still together with Bf (then husband), with gorgeous smart twin daughters and a well behaved son, or will something totally different have occured? Who knows.
And I mean, if I can't live in the past, how can I use all my awesome knowledge from previous teachings and apply them to my daily life. Like, don't drink tequila, for the love of the brains, don't. And if you leave lots of stuff out in the hallway, the landlord comes and takes it away, and gives you a hefty bill for it. And, cocaine is bad for you. Oh well, I don't know that in first person, but I've gathered enough information about that through my life not to try it. And, sleeping with people who look bad in bed, ARE bad in bed.
All these things are great for me to know nowadays, because it saves me a lot of headache, money, regrets and addictions. I have so many other things in my life that cause me headaches, regrets, money loss and I'm totally addicted to sugar. And porn. No, not porn..

Hrm.

Anyways, stories of events that actually happened are better than those that didn't. Because reality always shocks more than fiction. Damn right.