Scary

SO, since sometime in may, when I lay spreading my legs in all directions so a little man with a german accent called Heinrich could have his fingers in me, with Boyfriend anxiously standing in a corner of the ER-room, kinda not wanting to look but couldn't refrain from it, I haven't talked to any hospital staff. I have to point out that I asked Bf if he could stay with me because I didn't want to be alone with the little man, and was almost in tears the whole time.
In the midst of the un-pregnating process I got a recipe for birth control pills and I couldn't bare myself to either argue about the kind of pills or discuss any other contraception at that point. I've just gone along with it for a few months, and now I very much feel that the pills aren't doing very much good for me. My temper isn't what it used to be which shows itself in me crying much more often, I've gained 20 pounds (thanks) and my sexdrive is most certainly not at all what it used to be. Bf who got the wonderful time of three hormonemess-free months with me says he totally notices the difference, and I would just love to feel like I did those happy days.

I've used birth control pills of different kinds for many years, almost ten years now, and I can honestly say that the pillfree five months preceeding the abortion was a total revelation. I wanted to have sex, and it didn't stop at just "I could have sex right now, but meh let's watch TV instead" but it totaled in a "I wanna have sex!" and when I had it, it was awesomely satisfying in a way which the sexually muffled years on the pill never allowed. I actually didn't know what it felt like to have a stable, normal libido.

So what is a girl to do when hormonefilled prescriptions always shows to be a really good contraception, mostly because I don't actually wanna have sex while on them, and condoms kills the cat, so to speak. Well, I've taken a big, for me, step. I am going to call the whatsacalled and talk about the copperbased IUD. It's always scared me, it's friggin big and you're shoving it up your sensitive bits, but after surviving the most stressing pain of my entire life (the day I fled to the ER-room after two hours of pains), I should be able to take it.

The warning is usually stronger cramps and heavier bleeding, but I'm willing to at least give it a go. I really want to feel alive again.